Helping Your Impulsive/Hyperactive ADHD Child Thrive Without Shame
Impulsivity and hyperactivity aren’t misbehaviors—they’re natural aspects of an ADHD brain. Instead of expecting kids to do all the work of "controlling" themselves, we can adjust the world around them to better support their needs, offering understanding, flexibility, and compassion.
By shifting our expectations and working together, we can help kids develop self-trust, self-awareness, and realistic strategies for navigating a world that isn’t built for fast-moving brains.
1. Build External Supports—Together
💡 Why? ADHD brains thrive with external cues, but these shouldn’t feel like rigid rules. Instead of making kids "manage themselves," we can collaborate to find what helps.
✅ Ways to Work Together:
Ask what feels helpful instead of assuming: "Would a reminder before we switch activities feel good, or do you prefer a visual cue?"
Create group norms instead of singling kids out: "Let’s all check in before we change topics so everyone feels heard."
Experiment with tools, rather than enforcing them: "Want to try a fidget or movement break and see if it helps?"
👉 Support should feel like a partnership, not correction.
2. Create Outlets for Energy—Instead of Suppressing It
💡 Why? Asking ADHD kids to stop being “hyper” is like asking a fish to stop swimming. Instead, let’s build natural ways to use their energy.
✅ Ways to Work Together:
Find a good movement break (jumping, stretching, or a dance break).
Make participation more dynamic (talk-and-walk discussions, group brainstorming, or standing desks).
Normalize a lot of verbal processing ( kids regulate this way): "Hey, if you need to talk through ideas first to get them out, I’m here to listen!"
👉 ADHD kids need the proper outlet for their energy.
3. Build Self-Awareness Through Curiosity, Not Control
💡 Why? Self-regulation isn’t about "stopping" impulses—it’s about understanding what the body and brain need at the moment. Teaching your child about this connection is an invaluable lifelong skill.
✅ Ways to Work Together:
Reflect without judgment: "I noticed you got really excited and jumped in—did you feel that energy building up?"
💬 "I love how excited we are to share our thoughts! Let’s figure out how to ensure we hear each other."
Help kids connect cause and effect: "It seems like transitions are tricky—how can we make them easier?"
👉 The goal isn’t to "fix" ADHD energy, but to understand how to manage it together.
4. Adjust the Environment—Not the Child
💡 Why? If an ADHD child struggles to sit still for 45 minutes, the problem isn’t the child—it’s the unrealistic expectation. Let’s adapt the space to set them up for success.
✅ Ways to Work Together:
Design a homework setup that works for them (music, movement breaks, working on the floor).
Co-create classroom expectations: "Would it help if we used hands-up, or do we want a ‘pass the mic’ system?"
Respect different processing styles: "It’s okay if you need to walk around while we talk!"
👉 Instead of making kids "fit in," let’s make spaces work for them.
5. Regulate Through Connection, Not Punishment
💡 Why? Kids don’t learn emotional regulation by being punished for big feelings—they learn it through co-regulation with trusted adults and peers.
✅ Ways to Work Together:
Offer co-regulation: "Let’s take some deep breaths together."
Validate feelings: "I get excited too! Want to bounce a ball while we talk?"
Use calm, non-shaming language: "I see you have a lot of energy right now. What would feel good to do with it?"
👉 Regulation is something we learn in relationships—not in isolation.
6. Celebrate Their Strengths!
💡 Why? Fast-thinking, quick-acting kids need outlets to use their gifts in a way that works for them.
✅ Ways to Work Together:
Focus on strengths: "Your quick thinking makes you a great problem-solver!"
Remind them of their assets: "You’re great at thinking outside the box—let’s use that!"
Encourage ADHD-friendly hobbies (improv, fast-paced sports, creative writing, leadership roles).
👉 ADHD differences aren’t a weakness. Focus on kids’ strengths.
Final Thoughts: Let’s Support, Not Control
The goal isn’t to make ADHD kids "more normal"—but to help them trust themselves, feel supported, and navigate the world in ways that work for them.
By changing environments, shifting expectations, and working together, we make it clear:
✨ ADHD brains are not broken.
✨ They are not bad.
✨ Kids shouldn’t have to "fix" themselves to be accepted.
Instead of putting all the responsibility on them, let’s meet them where they are—with curiosity, flexibility, and understanding.
💛 What’s one ADHD-friendly strategy that has worked for your child? Let’s share and support each other!
Warmly,
Kristen McClure
Who am I?
I am a therapist with 30 years of experience. I write four newsletters on Substack, and they are all free.
I run ADHD support groups for women and a therapy practice.
I am also in the process of developing an affirming community where neurodivergent women can connect. Please join, especially if you want to get off Facebook and make this more significant.
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